Day 14, India

Today's coordinates: the Lemon Tree Hotel, Muhamma, Alleppey, Kerala,
India

Time: 2009-12-23 18:29:38 +0530
ISO6709: +24.611789+73.661613+0/
Google: http://maps.google.com/?q=24.611790,73.661613

This morning we left Udaipur at 6:30, our ancient cab winding though
the dark, narrow streets, which were surprisingly empty at that hour,
save for all the dogs, cows, and motorcycle milkmen.

Airport security seemed a bit tighter than on our last internal
flight, no doubt due to the approach of Christmas. The flight was
smooth, although the pilot set us down in the middle of the runway in
Mumbai, necessitating an overly exciting stop at the very, very, very
end of the runway. You'll learn more soon about Indian driving habits.
At least they're all consistent.

The connecting flight left 90 minutes late, all of which was spent
sitting in the plane at the gate, as the airport was temporarily
closed for an unnamed VIP's arrival. At least our seatmate was
pleasant, so the conversation helped pass the time.

Once airborne, it was somewhat surreal to find myself aboard an Indian
aircraft, flying low over the jungle, listening to Muzak Christmas
carols playing over the plane's PA system. Feliz Navidad, ... Feliz
Navi-dad, ... Namaste. This is your captain speaking (in Hindi).

Once in Cochin, we hired a taxi for the 90km drive to the resort.
Sweet Jeebus. The drivers in southern India make the rolling circus in
Delhi seem comparitively civilized. No one really seems to like their
side of the road, instead crossing into opposing traffic at 90+ km/h
for no apparent reason, blowing their horn, perhaps flashing their
lights, perhaps not. Our driver managed it all in tit-for-tat fashion,
swerving out of the way at the latest possible second, never using
more than a couple of fingers to manage the wheel, and refusing to
shift any lower than third gear, which made for painfully labored
starts in the tiny, underpowered Tata hatchback he piloted.

Even better, it is 90F and humid here, and the little extortionist
wanted an extra 500 rupees to turn on the car's air conditioning. You
all must understand that my level of self-restraint is worthy of a
statue somewhere, as I managed to say "no, thank you," instead of
exposing him to the volumes of unsavory language I've acquired over
the years. The little opportunist even tried to wrangle more money out of
us because he failed to get proper directions before we left, and thus
overshot the turn to the resort by 6km or so. Watching him stop every
few hundred meters to grudgingly ask pedestrians for directions was
somehow enjoyable, although we seemed to understand the Hindi
directions better than he did.

He was the first taxi driver we've encountered who wore his seatbelt.
Encouraged, we looked for ours, only to find that the buckles had been
cut out. I asked the whereabouts of the rear seatbelts, and the driver
shook his head, smiled, and said, "not required." I then asked why he
wore one, and, in true Hindi fashion, he smiled and said nothing more.
Life is apparently cheap here, and ours must ring up at even less than
his.

We eventually found our way to the resort, which is a couple
kilometers down an unmarked road (no big deal there, though; *all* the
roads here are unmarked; if there ever were road signs, they've long
since been stolen and used as building materials), we again had to
surrender our passports for a couple hours to the innkeepers so they
could photocopy them and register us with the local police station.
It's been the same drill in every town.

All foreign tourists are under very close scrutiny these days because
of it coming out that the mastermind of last year's attacks in Mumbai
was an American citizen, albeit of Pakistani origin. Another classic
case of closing the barn door after the horse is long gone. They're at
least polite about it all, though, and are treating all foreigners the
same regardless of nationality so as to properly inconvenience
everyone equally.

And the room is nice, with the resort being on a lovely lake of
dubious quality. However, if the hotel's pretty little swimming pool
is half as chlorinated as the water that comes out of the shower tap,
it's going to be as sanitary as hell.

We'll explore more tomorrow.